Refinery29

Dermatillomania is a long way of saying I pick my skin until it bleeds. It is a condition in its own right and also, as in my case, a symptom of anxiety. It is the least of my worries – I am living in a body that struggles to function as it is, collecting diagnoses as if they were academic accolades – but still it is a compulsion I cannot seem to contain.

I am learning to knit, mostly because I wanted a hobby that I wouldn’t try to monetise – something kind of hard that would take a lot of practice. I chose knitting on a whim because I liked the idea of making my own clothes and my track record with sewing machines isn’t favourable.

Refinery29

Ill or not, most of us like things that look nice. The science backs it up: aesthetics play a powerful role in our desire to buy things. We also know that buying something sets off a chemical reaction in our brains – a dopamine hit that makes us feel good (the expression 'retail therapy' exists for a reason). When we couple the desire for new, shiny things with an underlying feeling of being less than, a person suffering with poor health who might be looking for a (nonexistent) answer is easily swayed towards purchasing all sorts of things that claim they can help.

Refinery29

Goblin mode is the latest in a long line of lifestyle-based aesthetics to go viral on social media before trickling down into irrelevancy. Some last longer than others. In 2020 people were obsessed with abandoning their city homes for rural outposts in which to play cottagecore. Spring 2021 saw the 'new year, new me' rhetoric rehashed as 'that girl', its proponents waking up before the sun to drink green things

Screenshot Media

There are pockets for just about everything on the internet, and the chronic illness community is no different. TikTok, Instagram and YouTube are home to a wide range of people with endometriosis creating content and connecting with each other over often traumatic incidents with medical professionals—ranging from years-long waiting lists and dismissal of symptoms to medical gaslighting—as well as actual experts in the field taking the time to spread the right information.

Oh reader magazine

I do not run or bar hop or leave my house much at all. My physical world started shrinking almost five years ago, well before the pandemic, so I had to find another way to see everything I was missing. To read is to experience something else—to fall into the lives of others who, if written well, bleed into your own life as the reader. In moments of quiet, you find characters from a family saga appearing as you fall asleep, or you double-take at a barista at your local coffee shop because they so closely resemble the love interest in Rooney’s most recent tale.

Glamour Magazine

Chloe* grew up in a non-religious home, but as a teenager joined a youth group that was part of an evangelical church. Nine years later, almost unrecognisable to her family and friends, she realised she was part of a religious cult. She spoke to Hannah Turner about her journey.

The Spill

Late on a Friday evening in December, I lay on my mother’s lap in her living room and sob. She strokes my hair like she has since I was small, smoothing my roots and telling me it will all work out. She knows as well as I do that it is more complicated than that, but for now I need the comfort. There has been a barrage of bad news recently, from declining physical health to losing our beloved gran, and now a doctor’s call to announce that although I was cut open only last spring, my endometriosis has returned at a rapid rate, and another surgery must be scheduled.

Refinery29

“Most doctors and sleep scientists recommend seven to nine hours of sleep a night; the women I spoke to for this article average five hours at best. Consistently sleeping less is said to put people at higher risk of long-term health conditions like heart disease, diabetes and depression. It doesn’t bode well for those of us already living with medical records as long as shopping lists before we’ve made it to 30”

Mashable

“Sex seems to be ubiquitous with pleasure. In the age of sex positivity, women and non binary folks are reasserting sexual desire as something they feel empowered about. So, where does that leave the people who want to have good sex but can’t?”

The Bookseller

My mother will immediately stop reading a book if there is a dog that dies. She has abandoned many good books because she can’t possibly think about a pet passing away. She will not touch Sigrid Nunez’s work after a run in with The Friend. Although her own desire for animal-themed content warnings seems benign, there is a much larger conversation to be had about what readers should tolerate without prior knowledge.

Screenshot Media

It is not only these tangible losses disabled people must experience but the more complicated and hard to classify ones too. Society is structurally ableist, and the last ten years of government have made no secret of their disregard for disabled lives. From the treatment of vulnerable COVID-19 patients to austerity measures cutting social care, it is clear that disabled lives mean less than healthy ones. This ableism compounds to make disabled individuals feel less than, and policies like the ESA household allowance contribute further to feeling like burdensome children, lacking any autonomy.

Stylist

“Grace and I have an eerily similar story to moving our bodies again. We both (without knowing each other) took up sea swimming on the south coast, spending mornings on Brighton beach in single-digit-degree weather, in an effort to reconnect with ourselves. Grace said she heard about the benefits of cold water swimming on the autonomic nervous system from members of an ME support group, who suggested cold showers as a way to relieve pain. “

BYRDIE

I thought it was better to wear muted colours and less makeup when I went out in my chair, for fear people thought I wasn't "sick enough" to be using one. I realised people stare whether or not i'm in my Burberry trench and red lipstick or last nights PJs so I might as well go with what I want. Bright colours have always made me feel like me, so this year I bought a couple of statement knits that are super soft, and also go with my neutral bottoms like a slip skirt or wool trousers.

Digital Spy

“We need more stories that do not present the 'good disabled person', as the only one deserving of attention or desire. It is only when watching the reaction of some viewers online, are we reminded of how much further we have to go when it comes to ableism in mainstream conversations.”

Refinery29

I try and imagine my pain and disability on a sexual spectrum, using my baseline health as a guide, what I feel like on a good day or week. There’s 80% of heteronormative sex life that I can participate in, that is enjoyable for me, but some people seem so fixated on the 20% that I can’t enjoy or that they might miss out on.